I have found that certain people who pass through my life have popped into and out of relationship with me over time ... and by that I mean the greatest expanse of time. One of those people seemed to be a significant person in many short lived spousal relationships and the more I asked to know, the more glimpses I received. This is a smattering of those moments in time.
Europe of Old Country
The first tingling of memory happened when I laid my hand on his chest. For no explainable reason I was overwhelmed by feelings of sadness and longing. So naturally - I asked to know more, and this is what came in ...
I find myself in a densely wooded area hiding in the bushes, intently watching a wooden building in the distance. It's dark, late at night and I'm dressed in rather shabby clothes, a long heavy dress with an apron over the front, and I'm barefoot. I'm afraid of being caught, but I am determined to sneak into the old stable to see my beloved before they take him away.
As a consequence of providing for family, he has been arrested for poaching (I think) on the king's land and has been sentenced to hang, as is the way of the land. I am beside myself with grief and sadness as I will be completely alone without this man in my life.
Peering through the brush I watch as the last of the two guards moves away from the building, and I begin to make my way out of hiding, toward the stable. Cautiously I open the door and, staying low, I sneak through the line of open stables until I get to the one occupied by my lover. He is laying on the floor, leaning against a burlap sack of hay or grain - he has been wounded and he's bleeding from one shoulder, but his spirits are good and he's instantly glad to see me.
I hunker down and scoot in to lie next to him, putting my hand on his chest, burying my face in his good shoulder. For all the danger of being caught we don't seem too concerned about my welfare, and quietly we whisper words of love and companionship to one another. There is no way to change the outcome of this sad story and we both know that, though we talk about how we might be able to arrange an escape. Reluctantly we say our goodbyes.
A noise alerts us to the fact that the guards are coming back and I jump up to make a dash for the door, just barely escaping out the stable door and back into the woods. Safe, I thought.
After a short time, I make my way in the dark to a dirt road which I intend to follow back home. Overcome as I am with sadness, I don't notice as the two guards come up from behind me on horseback until it's too late. I run. But, I'm not fast enough and without even the slightest hesitation one of the men charges at me with a big club in his hand and, with all the force he can muster - clobbers me in the head. I'm not immediately dead, but I will be soon and they leave me there to die in the grass and weeds, bleeding and unconscious.